Hello Bloggie. Mish ya~ ihiks. My mind is a bit mess up at the moment. A lot of things to think about. aiyak. Hurm, TO ALL MY ENEMIES out there. * ye ah right. Macam ade orang jerk nak baca. But still, just to let it out* Don’t worry. I have no heart feeling what you guys did and said all the bad things about me. It didn’t harm me at all and I forgive you guys. Anyway, I have a song for you, my dear enemies. Fighter - Christina Aguilera.

When I thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
I Guess I..
I
couldn’t trust ‘cuz your bluff time is up ‘cuz I’ve had enough
You were..

There by my side, always down for…tha ride
But your..
Joy ride
just came down in flames ‘cuz your me out of shame (mm hmm)
After all of the
stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you

But..(un un..no no)
Your wrong..
‘Cuz if it wasn’t for all that you
tried to do I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through..

So I wanna say thank you
‘Cuz it makes me that much
stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter!

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter..
So thanks for making me a fighter! (oh)

Never saw it coming..
All of your backstabbing.
Just so, you
could cash in on a good thing before I realized your game
I heard..
Your
going around playing the victim now
But don’t..
Even begin feelin’ i’m
the one to blame ‘cuz you dug your own grave (un huh)
After all of the
fights and the lies yes you wanted to harm me but that wont work anymore..(no
more..no no..its..over)
Cuz if it wasn’t for all of your torture I wouldn’t
know how to be this renowned and never back down..

Thanks to mama. this is what my mama said..

Hello
sayang ,my beloved beautiful brown-eyes,

Thank you for your e-mail. Bad news can
be good news!!! You must be proud of yourself. You have so many brothers and
sisters, many would be jelaous of. Your parents are of amazing qualities and of
very credible backgrounds who love you very much. You are a very special
person, very beautiful and talented. Both ayah and mama love you very much. You
are our  beloved baby. You are most special to us.

You are our angel. That colleague of
yours.. please do not worry and take her/him seriously. If they really know
our family background, they won’t buat heboh or fitnah. Instead, they too would
be proud and afraid of our family. They are a drama queen themselves. They have
a lot of stories in their life too. So, don’t be affected. There are
millions of people like them. They are nothing to be worried about. Whereas
people like you, mama and our family are very unique and extraordinary people
who are not afraid of anyone and have no fear of anybody. We get our dreams.
Nobody stopped us. There is no right or wrong way of life. Everybody is unique
as God created us to be. It is only the people who turn themselves into Shaitan
or Malaikat’s behavours. Do not follow the Shaitan. Be Godlike.. the
perfection. Don’t say anything bad towards that people. Please relate this
story of the friends bad behaviour to your teacher. Pray if they make your life
miserable. Don’t run away from them. They are nothing. Can you remember that?

You are a Powerful, You are FREE to study,
live  your dream life. Do not let anyone intimidate you, humiliate you,
look down upon you or  make you look small. The person who try to do that
to you is the person is a SMALL person with a SMALL heart..Make  your
lecturer talked to them..then you can ask them why are they being mean  to
you?  Always take direct, straight and honest. Speak the Truth.. not tell
stories like them..

People are sincere but not authentic. You
must learn to distinguish the difference of being sincere and authentic. Sincere
is false, authentic is powerful. People are sincere when they say they
are kind and helpful. But they  unkind and hurting others. So, they lie
and lie and lie all the time. Auntentic about our inauthenticities is power.
You get your power and freedom when you are authentic about your
inauthenticities. This is like talking about your weakness and then be aware
about that weakness  so that it doesn’t control your life.

For example, perhaps you are someone who
wants love and wants to be cared. This is because you lfeel you are lacking
love and caring during your young life. This is the decision  you
made when you were young. That explains your behaviour when you become adult.
This decision of feeling of wanting love because you feel lacking of love when
you were young is making your life problematic and challenging. That is not the
real beautiful YOU. That was you when you were very young and hurting. Now you
are an adult. The hurt is still there.  You need to let go of the hurt and
feel that you are loved. That feeling must come from inside you so you can make
yourself happy. No one can make you happy or sad  without your permission.
But you have the power to love yourself and make yourself happy.  So, why
bother what others say about us?

Why are you hurting inside? This is
something you do not realize it yourself. You don’t know what you don’t know.
It’s challenging because this is a deep feeling  inside  us.  It
is easier when you know what you don’t know. You can learn what you know that
you don’t know. Like learning how to  fly. You know that you don’t know
how to fly.

Looking back at your life, perhaps, you
were hurting when all of us lived separately while you were still at young age.
Mama with your ayah. You left with your brothers. And then your brothers left
you with my another 3 small angels. Therefore, you are looking for an authority
figure to be with besides your siblings. This is perhaps why you are
looking  for an older man to be your boy friend. That is not being a bad
girl. It is just being you. You need to be aware of who you are so that you do
not harm or bring unhappiness to others. You do not need anyone to comfort you,
love you, care for you. You need to love yourself, first. If you don’t have
love for yourself, how can you want to give away love to others. You have no
love to give. So, firstly, love yourself a lot. Take good care of
yourself,  study hard, do the things you love, excell in something that
will make  you very happy. Don’t worry what others say about you. You
should know about yourself more than anyone else. Why worry if people want to
talk bad about us? We are famous people. People always talk about famous
people.. we are like the artists.. A lot of people talked about them. So, we
are nothing like them. Remember people always love STORIES.. NO TRUTH or FACT.

People say they are good and kind. But
what they are doing is the opposite. Their behaviour is mean and even cruel to
people. What is not auntentic with them is, is that they are NOT being
accountable and responsible for whatever happened to them,either good or bad.
They blamed others for their failures. They justify their actions why they kill
other’s people’s possibilities. They have a lot of weakness they don’t want to
own. They always think they are  better than others. This is NOT true. God
creates human being as equal, irrespective race, color, religion or
status.  People have lot of baggage with them. Nobody is perfect.They
intimidate people because they don’t want to be intimidated. They make people
wrong because they want to be right. People always are judging. Wrong-R Right ,
Good-Bad ecetra. Learn not to be judgemental about anyone. Just live your life.
Do what you need to do without harming anyone. Make a difference in your own
life and in the life of others.

You are a beautiful woman. You are a
great woman , like your mum. Remember  your mom was a beauty queen. I was
Miss Kuala Lumpur/ Selangor and a finalist for Miss Malaysia in 1970. I
was also a catwalk model.That time I was a bank officer the Citibank. I
was intelligent, beautiful and living a glamorous life.My face always appear in
the newspaper every week.

Later on I became a very successful
business woman in Malaysia . People remember who I am. Some talked bad , some
talked good about me. That is the price you pay for being in glamourous life.
Good or bad, doesn’t matter to me. I am proud to raise 12 beautiful children
form my own effort, tears, sweat and blood. I never ask for money from anyone.
Many  women were jealous of me. I never worried what they think
about mama. I had a wonderful life. So, don’t listen to negative things about
yourself. Surround yourself with good people, supportive people and good
environment. Forget about having any boyfriend now.  Come and live in
America with  mama after you graduate. We will look for a job here. You
can make lots of money. You can buy yourself anything you want. Life here is so
wonderful. You are free to live the life you want not the way people want you
to live. They have different values and standards in Malaysia that mama do not
agree.. You will be very surprized how great life is in America . They called
it the American Dream. You have a wonderful  future without any
attachements now to any man. You have a great life ahead and so many choices of
good-looking, gorgeous and rich guys. Don’t strangle yourself now ok?

You must always think good  of other
people. Learn to forgive that people. Think nicely of them. Let them go and
wish them all the best. If you still have problem, talk to your teacher or counsellor.

Remember, you can order anything out of
life. When you pray, ASK GOD of what you want. It’s ordering food from the
restaurant. You only order food that you like, isn’t it? So, in life, you only
order the good things you want in your life.. that’s the SECRET to living your
DREAM LIFE.

Continue writing to  mama and let me
know about your development there, ok? You mama will always be your best
admirer in the world and who loves you unconditionally.

Take good care of yourself, my angel. You
are very precious to mama and your family. Mama loves you very much. Before end
of this year and raya, mama will come back and be with you.

Lots of love

Mama